


Drunken Confessions

by Thaum



Series: Dark Passion Play [2]
Category: Nightwish
Genre: Alcohol, Band Fic, Feelings, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Romantic Friendship, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 15:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17490791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thaum/pseuds/Thaum
Summary: The guys are getting drunk in their cabin. Silly conversations, too much alcohol and stuff. Emppu finally gets the blues.





	Drunken Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language. Be nice.

Jukka lay at the kitchen counter and played imaginary drums with a wooden spoon and a plastic brush while his leg dangled over the edge and he hit the bottom drawer with his foot in a beat that had a rather hypnotizing quality to it. Now and then he took a gulp from an indescriptive bottle in the sink, scrunching his nose every time he did.

“Ugh.. that burns.”

“You are drinking this stuff since an hour and you keep on saying this.”

“Well, it still burns.”

“And it will keep on burning until your throat has turned into leather, by the smell of it, this is like drinking acetone. Try something with a little more style before it actually starts to melt your brain.”

“Style? You’ve got at least wear eyeliner before you may talk to me about style again. Alternatively one of Tarjas stage outfits. And now gimme a straw with one of this little glitter-umbrellas and shut up.” Jukka grunted, slightly slurring.

“Do you think clouds have feelings?” Tuomas suddenly asked completely out of any context. He hang upside down in the only armchair, his legs thrown over the backrest.

Marco got a coughing fit as he snorted the contents of his mouth through his nose. “What?”

“I just wondered..”

“What has that to do with anything? We’re talking about Jukkas drug problems.”

Jukka had stopped air-drumming and watched Marco and his bandleader with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t have a drug problem. You should better worry about what substances he consumes. I mean, at least it’s not me who is on a spiritual level with inanimated objects.”

“You are on a spiritual level with a gasoline pump.” Emppu said as he sniffed the label-less bottle in the sink. “Oh my god.. what’s the name of this..?”

“Pfff.. I am just spirited. Hahaha.. _spirited_.. you’ve got it? Hahaha..”

“Yes, very funny. Are you sure you’re not going to lose your eyesight from this? Where is this from?”

“Petri gave it to me. He made it himself.”

“What?? Petri ‘the freak’ with the destillery in his garage? And you’re drinking this? Are you nuts? This has to have.. ugh.. that smell.. at least 60% alcohol.”

Jukka shrugged his shoulders. “Something like that.”

Tuomas looked over to him now. He had rejoined reality and was struggling to refill his coffee cup with wine without changing his position. “Don’t think we will carry your body all the way back to the boat and home. We will just throw you at the compost in the backyard.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.. he will never rot there.” Marco threw in. ”He is preserved from the inside out for at least a hundred years.”

“Hey, there is something written at the bottom..” Emppu said as he turned the bottle in his hands.

“Tastes better when coming up again.. well.. that’s probably a fairly accurate description.”

He opened the cap and poured the rest of the bottle into the sink.

“Hey!!!” Jukka sat up quickly and swayed dangerously.

“Believe me, you will thank me tomorrow. And if you won’t: your liver will.”

“You shouldn’t have done that!”

“He is right Emppu, you shouldn’t have. The pipes will probably dissolve.” Marco said.

Tuomas had a laughing fit and his head slowly but surely turned purple while he panted for breath.

“Oh great,” Emppu said, “Look what you’ve done. You’re not only compromising your own health, but you’ll have Tuomas on your conscience.”

“He will have all of us on his conscience when I am going to take a crap and the flushing leaks into the floor.” Marco announced, emptied his beer and burped the mother of all burps. That did it for Tuomas who slid head first off the armchair to the ground, whimpering. “Stop it, please.. I cannot breath..”

“And it doesn’t help if for some lucky circumstances we’re waking up again in the morning. The very moment Jukka lights a cigarette..”

“Yes, I can see it. _‘Tragic accident: finnish metal band killed in mysterious gas explosion.’_ ” Emppu stated dramatically. “ _‘I’ve seen it' a wanderer who camped out in the wild is cited. 'It’s been so beautiful, green fumes in the night sky, then: a golden glow, like the aurora borealis.'_ ”

Marco nodded. “ _'Such nice guys, I guess, they’ve gone straight up to heaven. Unfortunately accompanied by half of the roof.'_ You should totally write a song about it Tuomas. I feel it has a deep poetic quality. Or.. “ he paused and put a hand on his stomach “..maybe that deep feeling might be something else. Excuse me.”

Tuomas yelped at the floor while Jukka still frowned at the sink.

Emppu couldn’t keep himself together anymore and gripped the the kitchen counter to not topple over with laughter. “Oh my. I have absolutely no idea how any of us would survive in a halfway normal life. I mean, can you imagine Marco doing something normal?”

“My vodka!” Jukka whined at the sink and threw an accusing glance at Emppu.

“No. But I’d write books.” Tuomas said.

“About what? Psychoanalysing clouds?” Jukka swayed over and dropped next to him on the floor. “Listen dude I like you, I really do. But you are a little strange. Not like batshit crazy, but definetly loose in the upper department.” he pointed his finger at his head and made a screwing sign, gripped the wine bottle, put his arm around Tuomas shoulder and took a healthy gulp.

“You know, birds.. birds might actually have feelings.” he pondered, seemingly going down the road of deep, drunken philosophical thinking. "Unfortunately they don’t talk so we’ll never know.” Tuomas watched him like a very disgusting bug and waved the air in front of his face away as the alcohol content of Jukkas breath made his eyes water. Jukka stared at him for a few seconds and then lowered his voice.

“They are not talking to you, aren’t they?”

“Who?”

Jukka looked around and leant nearer. Emppu could see how Tuomas held his breath.

“Birds.”

“No..?”

“You can tell me. I won’t say anything to.. ” he looked around “.. them.”

“No, I am sorry.”

“Really?”

Tuomas nodded and tried to free himself from Jukkas embrace.

“What about gnomes?”

“Sorry, no.”

Jukka sighed and let him go. “What a pity.” Then he looked at the bottle in his hand. “What the heck is this? That’s awful.”

Tuomas yanked the bottle off his hands. “That is a very fine cabernet sauvignon from my favourite vinery in Chile, you philistine.”

"Ugh. Whatever." Jukka staggered away to look for something else in the fridge and Emppu took his place at the floor.

“So, what would you write about?”

“Biology. Evolution. Philosophy. I’d love to be a scientist.” He wiped the top of the bottle with his hand and took a sip.

“Probably a mad scientist.”

“Mad? Why mad?”

“Because of the talking gnomes.”

“What?”

Tuomas laughed. “No, just joking. You’re the only talking gnome I know.”

“Oh, thank you. I was starting to feel jealous.”

“Awww.. you don’t have to be. No one could ever replace you.”

Maybe it was the unguarded expression on his face, maybe it was the tone of his voice or maybe it was just the alcohol, he didn't know. But for some reasons Emppu suddenly couldn’t stand the smile on his face and had to look down at his hands. _Jealousy._ Truth to be told, he always felt jealous. Jealous at Jukka, when he and Tuomas styled up for a gig. Jealous at Marco when they sat together to write songs. Jealous at Tarja, when he brought new song lyrics of which Emppu knew, they were about her. When she fell asleep in his lap. When he gave her his jacket because she was cold. Tarja. How often his heart had broken when he saw the look in Tuomas’ eyes when he watched her. Hell, there were times on stage, when he was jealous at his keyboard. He sighed. He was just pathetic.

“Hey.. “ Tuomas handed him the wine bottle. “Don’t listen to Jukka. You’ve got more style than he will ever have.”

“Thank you.” He took the bottle and finally refilled the coffee cup, then cheered. “To the next album.”

Tuomas nodded. “To the next tour!”

“To non-leaking pipes!”

Tuomas snorted. “To best friends.” he clinked the bottle at Emppus cup.

“Yeah. Best friends.”

Tuomas lowered the bottle again. “Come on Emppu, what is it?”

Emppu shook his head. “It’s nothing, really. I am just tired, it’s been a long day.”

“Come here.”

Emppu had no idea what happened or why, but a few moments later he found himself with an arm around his waist and his head at Tuomas' shoulder. From one second to the next his heart was racing while every single one of his braincells yelled at him to fucking stop this right now. This was the highway to a complete utter desaster and it had to stop!

“Tuo, I don’t think..”

Tuomas, who was considerably intoxicated as well, grinned and put two fingers on his lips to stop him. “Tsts.. then don’t think.”

Emppu swallowed and tried to focus on his inner screaming self defense. Tried not to notice the warmth of Tuomas' body and his scent. Tried to ignore the burning feeling where he had touched his lips. He tried desperatly for all their friendship was worth. And found out he couldn't. With horror he watched his trembling hand reach out and caress the side of the other mans face. The world around him fell apart in the chaos inside of his head and his treacherous heart. Guilt. Shame. Desperation. Pain. So much pain..

“I can stop thinking, but as you see I really shouldn't” he whispered with tears in his eyes, almost choking at his words.

“What I cannot stop is to feel. I simply cannot. Tuo, forgive me.. how often I wished I could, I am so sorry..”

Tuomas grin had faded and he looked puzzled down at him what seemed like an eternity. His eyes were so incredibly blue it was almost unreal. If Emppu could have died in them, he would have and it occured to him, that maybe he had. Then and every day before, again and again. Finally Tuomas pulled his hand away from his face, placed it at Emppus chest and smiled so sadly, he couldn't help himself anymore and cried. Why couldn't he just be content with what they had?

"Please, don't hate me.." he sobbed.

Tuomas eyes widened in realization and he pulled him carefully near again. "Oh Emppu, of course not.."

Emppu felt a soulcrushing weight lifted off his heart and buried his face in Tuomas' shirt to cry his eyes out. For the first time he cried for everything that was and everything that would never be while Tuomas held him and stroke his head. He cried until he couldn't and just closed his eyes, allowing himself to get lost in the feeling of gentle hands in his hair. If this was all he would ever get, he wanted remember it forever.

He didn’t hear Jukka throwing up into the trash bin. He didn’t listen to Marco who returned from his glorious quest telling details nobody wanted to know. He didn’t notice anything anymore but the heartbeat beneath him that lulled him finally asleep.

He woke up not until the next morning, unfortunatley less comfortable, in a puddle of wine. His back hurt like hell, his mouth tasted as if something had died in it and he had an skull-splitting headache. The smell of vomit and alcohol was overwhelming and someone behind the kitchen counter was snoring like an asthmatic bear. When he turned over with a groan he found the man who slept peacefully beside him, his hand still tangled in strands of long blond hair. Cautiously he freed himself and though his hungover body protested in every way possible, he just couldn't bring himself to get up from the cold hard floor where everything that mattered was just an armlength away.

Even later when Jukka was hugging the toilet bowl and begged to be killed, Tuomas shouted at him for puking all over his notebook and Marco roared he would kill not just Jukka but everybody else in this fucking cabin if they didn't shut up - Emppu couldn't stop smiling nor find that morning any less than absolutely perfect.


End file.
